time has told me. .

that trust is the amino acid of love, there is nothing else in a relationship that can bond it even more stronlgy. .

splice one single bit of trust molecule from the strand of truths that hold two people together, and the process goes berserk, kenetically evaporating trust into the dense atmosphere of awkward silence, then condensing it into a heavy cloud of doubt, eventually leaving the two poor souls in chaos behind smiles and laughs. .

i am broke

wala ko kwarta. .

난 돈이 없어. .

お金がない。 。

boa valenti

ボアのように踊れたら嬉しくなったのに。 。

kun amo lang ko ni kanami magsaot pareho kay Boa. .

facebooking^^

sadya lang sang facebook ah. .

^^

i do love the philippines, man

a korean national wrote an essay about filipino people not loving their country, the philippines; thus poverty.

i might say it's mostly the leaders of this country. they hold the utmost power to make and let the betterment of the people's lives happen. our presidents have been all over the world and perhaps would book a flight to the moon and jupiter to let our country known. but, essentially, what can we little citizens do? i would say A LOT. it's not that we don't love our country.

i love the flamboyant costumes of our folk dances here. i love fiestas and secretly, i am proud of the respective annual festivals held in every province in this country. dinagyang. sinulog. mascara. they could be equated to the mardi graz of brazil. where else can we dip green mango in shrimp paste? i love the diversity of languages spoken in different subcultures and even more so, the power of tagalog that brings us all together in times of calamity, even entertainment..

filipinos love their country. they are always proud of their town of birth. friendster and facebook among others will attest to that. i was once asked by yet another korean guy why filipinos don't have dreams. i literally gaped to the question. the only sentence that came out of my mouth was, "we do have dreams." that time, we were at a restobar he favored. he was impressed by the food and the way the place appealed to him. so i asked him back. "the owner of this bar is a filipino. if he hadn't had dreams of putting up a bar like this, would you have this bar to come to so often?"

and what about small scale businesses such as sari-sari stores? turo-turos? don't the owners of these businesses dream of sending their children to better colleges? and don't their children want to find better jobs here or abroad as a way to repay their parents' hardships for them? [by the way, working abroad doesn't mean you don't love your country].

yes it is true that [probably] the majority of us are below middle class but that doesn't qualify us for not dreaming and not loving this country. it is true that we have what foreigners from developed countries might call, "ghastly" streets. and it is true that less privileged people live along these streets. and it is true that they might even have had little-or if not, no education at all. but just to note, the philippines is not the country any foreigners who come here is accustomed to. surely, they would notice a lot of things which they are so unaware of also exist in where they come from.

so, with my little knowledge about other nations, why are there streets or villages in america where outsiders fear to tread? think about it, it's america. so these local americans don't love their country as well? some of them can't even tell where america is on the world map.

a month ago or so, i went to the iloilo museum. as i was looking at the almost worn out balck and white photos, i paused in wonderment. my mind lingered at the thought that filipinos had been colonized for so long that they had almost lost their sense of identity as a race, as a nation. but there they were, standing proud in the photos as their fellow countrymen had shed tears and blood just to win back the freedom and independence denied of them for the longest time ever. surprisingly though, the filipinos now never hold grudge against the peoples who for so many times enslaved and maltreated their ancestors.

in the museum, i noticed that many of the buildings in the photos--magnificent and depicted power--are still standing in the streets of iloilo city today! but where is the power that they once radiated? how long has the much more powerful stench of garbage around them reigned?

now, could i do anything about it? you? your high school or college social science teacher? could anyone? aren't we just mere citizens? we need a leader.

surely, the government has done many a great thing to improve the lives of many filipinos. i have taken note of scholarship programs, tree planting and river cleanup projects among others. but still, why the protests? [occasional?] upheaval? filipinos may not be perfect but they they are intelligent enough to sense what kind of leader or government they are under.

think of this an analogy. adolf hitler had all the power to shut anyone up. so do we really believe that all of his nazi soldiers never showed compassion to the jews? after all they were just all humans, weren't they? yet what could they do? they were merely tiny specks in hitler's bigger world.

if there were a movement or a project to renovate the buildings down in calle real, i wouldn't hesitate to spare some of my time to volunteer. after all my father was a carpenter, and we still have his tools at home.

you love me, eh?

i am not proud of what i have done, but i am not sorry about nor ashamed of it either. . i am only sorry that it has to be you. . and it has to be like that. .

hhmm. .

i am up early again. .

my eye is starting to get better. .

im starting to feel better too. .

for some reason i felt like i was in the slump in the past few days. .

but im okay now. .

maybe. .

boracay's a week away!!

来週の週末に友達とボラカイに行く待てない。 。

この予定は、まだウパルタで働いていた時の予定だ。。

やっと、皆で行ける。 。^^

ワクワクしているよ！！。 。

like a snake

いつかあなたは、ゆっくり床に這う。 。

蛇のように。 。

early morning thoughts

i am up so early today.

bet i'm gonna have a helluva headache later on.

i wonder what michael is up to in baguio right now. . is he in someone else's bed? it's cold up there. .

mai mai in canada. . is she mopping floors at mcdonald's or something? i'm sure she misses home like hell. .

aubrey with baby gab. . is she waiting for a call or even just a text message from james abroad? it never comes, does it, my friend?

lorgin at arvie's apartment. . was she with ray at the duckpin alley last night? she's really doing well being a very good friend to him. .

joelaine. . when will she fly to america? naive as she is at times, i admire the strength of character she possesses. .

annie with her little angel. . does she smoke around her? she shouldn't. .

killian in korea. . has he been waiting for me on skype? i know how much he really wants to talk to me. .

ford with his newborn son. . does his delight from his baby's face get stronger each time? he flooded my email with his baby's pics. .

takeshi in japan. . is he also up early like me? he's always up this early, for work. .

my mom at home. . is she still battling with her grief over my father's passing? i wish i were there with her. . damn this sore eye. .

my brother. . is he contemplating what to do with his life? i am glad he has started making decisions on his own, for the better. .

my elder half brother in tigbauan. . does he feel alone? i can be there for him. . i care about him, too. .

father. . are you watching over us? i miss you. .

is this a sore eye?!

my right eye is feeling kinda funny!!

it's red and a bit swollen. .

is this an irritating case of a sore eye?

i'd like to think it's just some sort of an insect bite. .

one that's done by a tiny unforgiving bug while i was in deep slumber. .

because. .

im not getting any sore eyes, not now.

not this month.

NOT EVER!!!!

can i say fuck? or shit? or both?

fucking shit!

late late night blues

i am thinking about you.

all the time.

you.

you.

you.

cebu will have to wait another year. .

今、セブにいることになっているよ。今年の１２月のJLPTのとうろくの為に、セブに行くことになっている。残念ながら、お金はたりなくて、特に、時間もたりな過ぎている。オブリーも一緒に行きたいけど、彼女も、お金がない。ははは。 。 大変な状況だね。 。試験は一年一回かんりされるから、セブは一年ぐらい俺を待たなきゃいけない。。今年のクリスマスがとてもメリメリなクリスマスだと思っている。。実は、俺がその試験にじゅんびできてない。そして来年のJLPTを必ず受ける。多分その時には、たくさん習ったことがある。。。でもね、今の飛行機の料金は本当に安い！！！残念なあぁ。。

だけど、九月十九日に、スパルタの友達とボラカイに行くつもりだ。その時にまだ待てない。 。 白い砂。 。 青い海水。 。きれいな夕焼け。 。静な場所。 。涼しい風。 。ただ自然 。 。

まだセブに行きたいけど。 。

i am supposed to be flying to cebu today. . for the JLPT registration. . too bad i don't have enough money and especially time to go there. . so i guess cebu will have to wait another year since the test is only administered once a year -- in december!!! it's gonna be a merry merry christmas next year. .

anyways, me and friends from sparta are planning a trip to boracay this september. . it's gonna be a blast!! can't wait to see the white sand. . azure waters. . romantic sunset. . cool breeze. . just nature. .

but i still want to go to cebu. . darn. .

2NE1

hehehe. . FIASCO is defined by this video heheh ^^

damn. . damn. . damn. .

TAY~~

it is almost 3 in the morning and i am still here in front of the PC monitor. .

i can't sleep.

i am repeatedly listening to the song called "whiter shade of pale". surely it's a remake coz i had heard the original version with my father when i was a kid.

my father. .

he was probably enjoying the song then; he liked this kind of music. particularly that of the beatles.

now that i am listening to it, memories of him keep flooding my head that i can't contain them all.

i miss him so much.

he was the strongest man with the kindest heart i had ever known. i am not sure if i had even been there for him in his weakest times. i always regarded him as someone who could handle everything without depending on anyone.

he raised us on his own. he was never selfish. always giving. always considerate.

now i just want to make some tuna sandwiches and eat them with him and talk about work. about my brother. about my mother. about reparing our house together. and the short pants he had asked for which i never had the chance to buy for him.

i want to ask him to watch some movies together and argue about the actors he did not even know.

i want to talk to him about about how the beatles got so popular.

i want to share his knowledge about the 70's.

i want to clean up the mess he would make after making his afternoon coffee. then complain about it to him.

i want to apologize for talking back to him for so many times i can't remember now why and when.

i want to make up for the four long years of not speaking to him during my high school years.

i want to thank him for teaching me my first abc's. for making me a wooden gun. for taking me to school and for fetching me every lunchtime. for selling his chickens for my school project. for telling me that i had to love my brother no matter what. for keeping his temper when i took home someone he despised. for loving my mother in his own ways. for the security he always made me feel.

now i don't feel so safe anymore.

i want to hear his voice.

look at his face.

and call him TATAY over and over and over and over and over. .

and just hug him tightly.

tell him i love him.

and get those short pants he asked for.

i would give him a thousand pairs.

ford's first kid

今夜、レイとロジンとボウリングのようなゲームをしながら、韓国の友達はちょうきょり電話かけてくれた。名前は、フォードなんだけど、本当の名前はジェフーンだ。彼は、奥さんが男の赤ちゃんを生んだって。彼に、『あなたは、お父さんになったよ！』って。彼は、俺にすうど電話かけたって、ずっと電話をとらなかったんだ。あの通話は、銀行からと思っていた。俺は、銀行に借金があるから。できるかぎり銀行の人にさけたいんだ。

とにかく、今友達がお父さんになったのは、素晴らしい。七年前に、俺の大学に英語を勉強の為に来た。その時に、俺もオーブリーも大学の英語のセンターでアルバイトをしていたから、フォードに会った。始めに、彼は俺の学生だったけど、もうすぐお互いに、友達になった。いつでもいろいろな所で遊んでいた。韓国に戻ったときには、悲しかったよ。

だけど、去年ここにガールフレンドと一緒にボラカイに遊ぶ為に戻った。もう一度一緒に行った。楽しかった。 。 と思っている。

彼の赤ちゃんは手にいたら、よかったのに。 。

another tale told

今夜は、会社の友達に前の恋人のことについて聞いた。友達が何年前にギマラスと言う島に行ったら、恋人を見つけたと言っていた。友達は、恋人が外国人と一緒に遊そんでいたって。その外国人は、東洋人だったけど、友達が、韓国人か日本人かどうか分からなかった。その後で、友達と恋人と外国人がボートにした。


そのことについて聞いた後には、気分が悪くなちゃったけど、自分に『大丈夫』と言っていた。だけど、その言葉は、気分をなだめる為にたりないと思っているよ。新しい恋人を捜すことも、たりないよね。でもね、全然泣かない！！


もう一度会いたくないことはないんだけど、恋人の全ての嘘とだましのことの為に、公正が要らなきゃいけないと思っているよ。今恋人が何をしていることを構わないんだけど、気分が悪くなったのは仕方がない。それで、怒っているよ。本当に恋人を殺したいよ！！ゆっくり殺したい！！ねえぇ。 。実は、あまり怒っていない。『怒っている』ってのは、冗談だけだった。『殺したい』ってのけど。 。それも、冗談だけかなー。 。多分俺は、気違いになったよね。


とにかく、日本語で、感情を言い表すのは、びっくりしちゃった。 多分ね、いつか、もうすぐ、だれかが俺が見つけられると思っている。多分、あのだれかはあなたでしょう。 。 本当に気違いになったね。 。

have a little faith in me

Have A Little Faith In Me

mandy moore

and i just love this song . .

a video soon. .

新しく習った言葉のビデオを造りたい。でもカメラがなくて、日本語で話すことは思うほど、易しくないよ。

36 stupid friendster questions

1 . When was the last time you saw the 6th person on your featured friends?

> who are they?

2. What is bothering you right now?

> credit card debts

3. Will you kiss the last person you kissed again?

> in a hundred years, perhaps

4. What is in your wallet right now?

> a condom i could have used last saturday, but i don't have a wallet [making sense?]

5. Wallpaper on your computer's desktop?

> dont have a pc now

6. wallpaper on your cell phone?

> i have a low tech phone [shit]

7. Where was your primary picture taken?

> at the grand dame hotel with aub and someone who miserably died [but it's not sad, trust me]

8. Do you like messages or comments better?

> comments make friendster more friendster-like; messages, yahoo-like

9. What is the last thing you ate today?

> curry that tasted like rubber or something

10. What will you do this weekend?

> hopefully get laid after my japanese class

11. Who was the last person to send you a text message?

> mike, about how he missed his chance to get his ass to china

12. If you could have one person with you right now who would it be?

> nobody can know

13. Listening to?

> bad drive by boa and do you remember by phil collins

14. Have you ever kissed anyone named Phillip?

> hahaha. . mel has and she is bitter about it hahaha

15. ARE YOU Eating now?

> want to [even at this late hour]

16. Have you hit someone today?

> annie -- on the back

17. Do you believe in soul mates?

> maybe

18. What do you wear to bed?

> clothes made of fabric, not of asbestos or straw

19. Are you excited for school?

> school of fish? hehe im excited about my japanese class and getting laid after

20. What is your dream car?

> not in the market yet

21. What did you do last weekend?

> bore myself to death. . ah, i got laid after my japanese class

22. What have you learned recently?

> that credit cards are bull and the japanese word for swell and deliver [they're hareru 腫れる and todokeru 届ける, respectively]

23. What are you going to do after this?

> sleep, and/or something else

24. What was the last text message you sent?

> teh grab [go figure out what it is]

25. Have you ever had a crush on your sisters/brothers friend?

> nope, but i slept with them. . [bet i gotcha there for a sec] haha sucker!!
my answer to the question though is NO

26. How good is your eyesight?

> i have special retinal nerves for spotting cute human beings

27. What was the last thing you drank?

> water, 水, 물, tubig

28. Whose house did you go to last?

> my own and aub's

29. Who was the last person you visited in the hospital?

> took my father there

30. Do you love someone right now?

> love can be defined in a general scale

31. Name three drinks you drank today?

> pineapple juice for breakfast, apple juice for lunch, water after dinner

32. what are you excited about?

> going to my japanese tutor's house and study japanese and get laid

wait..
[i think there is a connection between learning japanese and getting laid, have you noticed?]

33. What is your dream phone?

> ang damo load

34. Ever broken a promise?

> every single solitary time

35. Last vacation? Where?

> big one? in bacolod with aub mike and au au

36. Last time you prayed?
> when i stopped believing . . ah, when we went island hopping around boracay island