片思い。。

the man next to me

2010-05-13T21:45:00.002+08:00

the man next to me is speaking in english and vietnamese. . not only is he noisy but appears to me that he is showing it all off. .

well. . .

one headlight

2010-04-04T14:30:00.004+08:00

ain't it one damn good song. . .

the heat hurts

2010-03-21T14:54:00.003+08:00

a friend of mine once mentioned that it used to be safe to stay out in the sun until ten in the morning to obtain vitamin d. but not anymore.

just this morning as i was standing along the highway waiting for a jeepney, i seriously thought about what my friend had said. it was only a quarter past seven yet my skin hurt from the heat of the sun. as far as i could remember it didn't use to hurt this much a few years back at such an hour. but now i am half seriously considering standing under a waiting shed each time i wait for a jeepney to work.

i am no expert in the details of how the ozone layer is depleted by our ever precious CFCs, and how our cars have made it possible for solar heat to be trapped in the atmosphere, but the effects of these phenomena are felt anywhere, everywhere. say, even along the side of the highway on a sunny sunday morning. or should i say "too" sunny a morning?

i know there is nothing remarkable i can do that would appeal to the general public, but in my own opinion, planting trees that would eventually provide shade to people would not only well, provide shade, but significantly contribute to the "cooling" of our already warm planet. again, i have no full knowledge as to how science works on this process.

but what harm is there in planting trees? in fact, the body naturally produces vitamin d through exposure to the sun--that is, if the condtions were not the same as it had been this morning.

so, a couple of seedlings to dig for and plant over the weekend woudn't hurt at all.

time has told me. .

2010-02-25T19:42:00.002+08:00

that trust is the amino acid of love, there is nothing else in a relationship that can bond it even more stronlgy. .

splice one single bit of trust molecule from the strand of truths that hold two people together, and the process goes berserk, kenetically evaporating trust into the dense atmosphere of awkward silence, then condensing it into a heavy cloud of doubt, eventually leaving the two poor souls in chaos behind smiles and laughs. .

i am broke

2009-11-21T01:25:00.002+08:00

wala ko kwarta. .

난 돈이 없어. .

お金がない。。

boa valenti

2009-11-15T06:47:00.002+08:00

ボアのように踊れたら嬉しくなったのに。。

kun amo lang ko ni kanami magsaot pareho kay Boa. .

facebooking^^

2009-11-15T06:16:00.000+08:00

sadya lang sang facebook ah. .

^^

i do love the philippines, man

2009-10-03T19:24:00.007+08:00

a korean national wrote an essay about filipino people not loving their country, the philippines; thus poverty.

i might say it's mostly the leaders of this country. they hold the utmost power to make and let the betterment of the people's lives happen. our presidents have been all over the world and perhaps would book a flight to the moon and jupiter to let our country known. but, essentially, what can we little citizens do? i would say A LOT. it's not that we don't love our country.

i love the flamboyant costumes of our folk dances here. i love fiestas and secretly, i am proud of the respective annual festivals held in every province in this country. dinagyang. sinulog. mascara. they could be equated to the mardi graz of brazil. where else can we dip green mango in shrimp paste? i love the diversity of languages spoken in different subcultures and even more so, the power of tagalog that brings us all together in times of calamity, even entertainment..

filipinos love their country. they are always proud of their town of birth. friendster and facebook among others will attest to that. i was once asked by yet another korean guy why filipinos don't have dreams. i literally gaped to the question. the only sentence that came out of my mouth was, "we do have dreams." that time, we were at a restobar he favored. he was impressed by the food and the way the place appealed to him. so i asked him back. "the owner of this bar is a filipino. if he hadn't had dreams of putting up a bar like this, would you have this bar to come to so often?"

and what about small scale businesses such as sari-sari stores? turo-turos? don't the owners of these businesses dream of sending their children to better colleges? and don't their children want to find better jobs here or abroad as a way to repay their parents' hardships for them? [by the way, working abroad doesn't mean you don't love your country].

yes it is true that [probably] the majority of us are below middle class but that doesn't qualify us for not dreaming and not loving this country. it is true that we have what foreigners from developed countries might call, "ghastly" streets. and it is true that less privileged people live along these streets. and it is true that they might even have had little-or if not, no education at all. but just to note, the philippines is not the country any foreigners who come here is accustomed to. surely, they would notice a lot of things which they are so unaware of also exist in where they come from.

so, with my little knowledge about other nations, why are there streets or villages in america where outsiders fear to tread? think about it, it's america. so these local americans don't love their country as well? some of them can't even tell where america is on the world map.

a month ago or so, i went to the iloilo museum. as i was looking at the almost worn out balck and white photos, i paused in wonderment. my mind lingered at the thought that filipinos had been colonized for so long that they had almost lost their sense of identity as a race, as a nation. but there they were, standing proud in the photos as their fellow countrymen had shed tears and blood just to win back the freedom and independence denied of them for the longest time ever. surprisingly though, the filipinos now never hold grudge against the peoples who for so many times enslaved and maltreated their ancestors.

in the museum, i noticed that many of the buildings in the photos--magnificent and depicted power--are still standing in the streets of iloilo city today! but where is the power that they once radiated? how long has the much more powerful stench of garbage around them reigned?

now, could i do anything about it? you? your high school or college social science teacher? could anyone? aren't we just mere citizens? we need a leader.

surely, the government has done many a great thing to improve the lives of many filipinos. i have taken note of scholarship programs, tree planting and river cleanup projects among others. but still, why the protests? [occasional?] upheaval? filipinos may not be perfect but they they are intelligent enough to sense what kind of leader or government they are under.

think of this an analogy. adolf hitler had all the power to shut anyone up. so do we really believe that all of his nazi soldiers never showed compassion to the jews? after all they were just all humans, weren't they? yet what could they do? they were merely tiny specks in hitler's bigger world.

if there were a movement or a project to renovate the buildings down in calle real, i wouldn't hesitate to spare some of my time to volunteer. after all my father was a carpenter, and we still have his tools at home.

you love me, eh?

2009-09-29T07:05:00.003+08:00

i am not proud of what i have done, but i am not sorry about nor ashamed of it either. . i am only sorry that it has to be you. . and it has to be like that. .

hhmm. .

2009-09-08T06:54:00.000+08:00

i am up early again. .

my eye is starting to get better. .

im starting to feel better too. .

for some reason i felt like i was in the slump in the past few days. .

but im okay now. .

maybe. .

boracay's a week away!!

2009-09-07T06:58:00.000+08:00

来週の週末に友達とボラカイに行く待てない。。

この予定は、まだウパルタで働いていた時の予定だ。。

やっと、皆で行ける。。^^

ワクワクしているよ！！。。

like a snake

2009-09-07T06:35:00.000+08:00

いつかあなたは、ゆっくり床に這う。。

蛇のように。。

early morning thoughts

2009-09-07T05:24:00.000+08:00

i am up so early today.

bet i'm gonna have a helluva headache later on.

i wonder what michael is up to in baguio right now. . is he in someone else's bed? it's cold up there. .

mai mai in canada. . is she mopping floors at mcdonald's or something? i'm sure she misses home like hell. .

aubrey with baby gab. . is she waiting for a call or even just a text message from james abroad? it never comes, does it, my friend?

lorgin at arvie's apartment. . was she with ray at the duckpin alley last night? she's really doing well being a very good friend to him. .

joelaine. . when will she fly to america? naive as she is at times, i admire the strength of character she possesses. .

annie with her little angel. . does she smoke around her? she shouldn't. .

killian in korea. . has he been waiting for me on skype? i know how much he really wants to talk to me. .

ford with his newborn son. . does his delight from his baby's face get stronger each time? he flooded my email with his baby's pics. .

takeshi in japan. . is he also up early like me? he's always up this early, for work. .

my mom at home. . is she still battling with her grief over my father's passing? i wish i were there with her. . damn this sore eye. .

my brother. . is he contemplating what to do with his life? i am glad he has started making decisions on his own, for the better. .

my elder half brother in tigbauan. . does he feel alone? i can be there for him. . i care about him, too. .

father. . are you watching over us? i miss you. .

is this a sore eye?!

2009-09-03T06:55:00.000+08:00

my right eye is feeling kinda funny!!

it's red and a bit swollen. .

is this an irritating case of a sore eye?

i'd like to think it's just some sort of an insect bite. .

one that's done by a tiny unforgiving bug while i was in deep slumber. .

because. .

im not getting any sore eyes, not now.

not this month.

NOT EVER!!!!

can i say fuck? or shit? or both?

fucking shit!

late late night blues

2009-08-30T00:34:00.000+08:00

i am thinking about you.

all the time.

you.

you.

you.

cebu will have to wait another year. .

2009-08-29T08:10:00.000+08:00

今、セブにいることになっているよ。今年の１２月のJLPTのとうろくの為に、セブに行くことになっている。残念ながら、お金はたりなくて、特に、時間もたりな過ぎている。オブリーも一緒に行きたいけど、彼女も、お金がない。ははは。。大変な状況だね。。試験は一年一回かんりされるから、セブは一年ぐらい俺を待たなきゃいけない。。今年のクリスマスがとてもメリメリなクリスマスだと思っている。。実は、俺がその試験にじゅんびできてない。そして来年のJLPTを必ず受ける。多分その時には、たくさん習ったことがある。。。でもね、今の飛行機の料金は本当に安い！！！残念なあぁ。。

だけど、九月十九日に、スパルタの友達とボラカイに行くつもりだ。その時にまだ待てない。。白い砂。。青い海水。。きれいな夕焼け。。静な場所。。涼しい風。。ただ自然。。

まだセブに行きたいけど。。

i am supposed to be flying to cebu today. . for the JLPT registration. . too bad i don't have enough money and especially time to go there. . so i guess cebu will have to wait another year since the test is only administered once a year -- in december!!! it's gonna be a merry merry christmas next year. .

anyways, me and friends from sparta are planning a trip to boracay this september. . it's gonna be a blast!! can't wait to see the white sand. . azure waters. . romantic sunset. . cool breeze. . just nature. .

but i still want to go to cebu. . darn. .

2NE1

2009-08-15T17:26:00.000+08:00

hehehe. . FIASCO is defined by this video heheh ^^

damn. . damn. . damn. .

TAY~~

2009-08-01T02:17:00.000+08:00

it is almost 3 in the morning and i am still here in front of the PC monitor. .

i can't sleep.

i am repeatedly listening to the song called "whiter shade of pale". surely it's a remake coz i had heard the original version with my father when i was a kid.

my father. .

he was probably enjoying the song then; he liked this kind of music. particularly that of the beatles.

now that i am listening to it, memories of him keep flooding my head that i can't contain them all.

i miss him so much.

he was the strongest man with the kindest heart i had ever known. i am not sure if i had even been there for him in his weakest times. i always regarded him as someone who could handle everything without depending on anyone.

he raised us on his own. he was never selfish. always giving. always considerate.

now i just want to make some tuna sandwiches and eat them with him and talk about work. about my brother. about my mother. about reparing our house together. and the short pants he had asked for which i never had the chance to buy for him.

i want to ask him to watch some movies together and argue about the actors he did not even know.

i want to talk to him about about how the beatles got so popular.

i want to share his knowledge about the 70's.

i want to clean up the mess he would make after making his afternoon coffee. then complain about it to him.

i want to apologize for talking back to him for so many times i can't remember now why and when.

i want to make up for the four long years of not speaking to him during my high school years.

i want to thank him for teaching me my first abc's. for making me a wooden gun. for taking me to school and for fetching me every lunchtime. for selling his chickens for my school project. for telling me that i had to love my brother no matter what. for keeping his temper when i took home someone he despised. for loving my mother in his own ways. for the security he always made me feel.

now i don't feel so safe anymore.

i want to hear his voice.

look at his face.

and call him TATAY over and over and over and over and over. .

and just hug him tightly.

tell him i love him.

and get those short pants he asked for.

i would give him a thousand pairs.

ford's first kid

2009-08-01T00:42:00.000+08:00

今夜、レイとロジンとボウリングのようなゲームをしながら、韓国の友達はちょうきょり電話かけてくれた。名前は、フォードなんだけど、本当の名前はジェフーンだ。彼は、奥さんが男の赤ちゃんを生んだって。彼に、『あなたは、お父さんになったよ！』って。彼は、俺にすうど電話かけたって、ずっと電話をとらなかったんだ。あの通話は、銀行からと思っていた。俺は、銀行に借金があるから。できるかぎり銀行の人にさけたいんだ。

とにかく、今友達がお父さんになったのは、素晴らしい。七年前に、俺の大学に英語を勉強の為に来た。その時に、俺もオーブリーも大学の英語のセンターでアルバイトをしていたから、フォードに会った。始めに、彼は俺の学生だったけど、もうすぐお互いに、友達になった。いつでもいろいろな所で遊んでいた。韓国に戻ったときには、悲しかったよ。

だけど、去年ここにガールフレンドと一緒にボラカイに遊ぶ為に戻った。もう一度一緒に行った。楽しかった。。と思っている。

彼の赤ちゃんは手にいたら、よかったのに。。

another tale told

2009-07-27T22:38:00.000+08:00

今夜は、会社の友達に前の恋人のことについて聞いた。友達が何年前にギマラスと言う島に行ったら、恋人を見つけたと言っていた。友達は、恋人が外国人と一緒に遊そんでいたって。その外国人は、東洋人だったけど、友達が、韓国人か日本人かどうか分からなかった。その後で、友達と恋人と外国人がボートにした。

そのことについて聞いた後には、気分が悪くなちゃったけど、自分に『大丈夫』と言っていた。だけど、その言葉は、気分をなだめる為にたりないと思っているよ。新しい恋人を捜すことも、たりないよね。でもね、全然泣かない！！

もう一度会いたくないことはないんだけど、恋人の全ての嘘とだましのことの為に、公正が要らなきゃいけないと思っているよ。今恋人が何をしていることを構わないんだけど、気分が悪くなったのは仕方がない。それで、怒っているよ。本当に恋人を殺したいよ！！ゆっくり殺したい！！ねえぇ。。実は、あまり怒っていない。『怒っている』ってのは、冗談だけだった。『殺したい』ってのけど。。それも、冗談だけかなー。。多分俺は、気違いになったよね。

とにかく、日本語で、感情を言い表すのは、びっくりしちゃった。多分ね、いつか、もうすぐ、だれかが俺が見つけられると思っている。多分、あのだれかはあなたでしょう。。本当に気違いになったね。。

have a little faith in me

2009-07-26T20:56:00.000+08:00

Have A Little Faith In Me

mandy moore

and i just love this song . .

a video soon. .

2009-07-22T18:53:00.000+08:00

新しく習った言葉のビデオを造りたい。でもカメラがなくて、日本語で話すことは思うほど、易しくないよ。

36 stupid friendster questions

2009-07-15T23:23:00.000+08:00

1 . When was the last time you saw the 6th person on your featured friends?

> who are they?

2. What is bothering you right now?

> credit card debts

3. Will you kiss the last person you kissed again?

> in a hundred years, perhaps

4. What is in your wallet right now?

> a condom i could have used last saturday, but i don't have a wallet [making sense?]

5. Wallpaper on your computer's desktop?

> dont have a pc now

6. wallpaper on your cell phone?

> i have a low tech phone [shit]

7. Where was your primary picture taken?

> at the grand dame hotel with aub and someone who miserably died [but it's not sad, trust me]

8. Do you like messages or comments better?

> comments make friendster more friendster-like; messages, yahoo-like

9. What is the last thing you ate today?

> curry that tasted like rubber or something

10. What will you do this weekend?

> hopefully get laid after my japanese class

11. Who was the last person to send you a text message?

> mike, about how he missed his chance to get his ass to china

12. If you could have one person with you right now who would it be?

> nobody can know

13. Listening to?

> bad drive by boa and do you remember by phil collins

14. Have you ever kissed anyone named Phillip?

> hahaha. . mel has and she is bitter about it hahaha

15. ARE YOU Eating now?

> want to [even at this late hour]

16. Have you hit someone today?

> annie -- on the back

17. Do you believe in soul mates?

> maybe

18. What do you wear to bed?

> clothes made of fabric, not of asbestos or straw

19. Are you excited for school?

> school of fish? hehe im excited about my japanese class and getting laid after

20. What is your dream car?

> not in the market yet

21. What did you do last weekend?

> bore myself to death. . ah, i got laid after my japanese class

22. What have you learned recently?

> that credit cards are bull and the japanese word for swell and deliver [they're hareru 腫れる and todokeru 届ける, respectively]

23. What are you going to do after this?

> sleep, and/or something else

24. What was the last text message you sent?

> teh grab [go figure out what it is]

25. Have you ever had a crush on your sisters/brothers friend?

> nope, but i slept with them. . [bet i gotcha there for a sec] haha sucker!!
my answer to the question though is NO

26. How good is your eyesight?

> i have special retinal nerves for spotting cute human beings

27. What was the last thing you drank?

> water, 水, 물, tubig

28. Whose house did you go to last?

> my own and aub's

29. Who was the last person you visited in the hospital?

> took my father there

30. Do you love someone right now?

> love can be defined in a general scale

31. Name three drinks you drank today?

> pineapple juice for breakfast, apple juice for lunch, water after dinner

32. what are you excited about?

> going to my japanese tutor's house and study japanese and get laid

wait..
[i think there is a connection between learning japanese and getting laid, have you noticed?]

33. What is your dream phone?

> ang damo load

34. Ever broken a promise?

> every single solitary time

35. Last vacation? Where?

> big one? in bacolod with aub mike and au au

36. Last time you prayed?
> when i stopped believing . . ah, when we went island hopping around boracay island

何も言わない

2009-07-15T19:14:00.000+08:00

wala lang ko may mahambal. . damo tani galing wala ko kabalo paano ibatutyag isa-isa.

何も言わない。。たくさんがあるんだけど、どうひとつずつ言い表されるのが分かない。。

aga pa. .

2009-07-08T07:20:00.000+08:00

aga pa ko nakakita sang indi dapat.

siguro wala pa natapos.

o tapos na, wala lang ko "fallback".

sila may ara. ako wala. . pa.

hmm. .

2009-07-02T07:26:00.000+08:00

突然に、父にさみしい。。父は生きれば、今ジンスーのホテルに住んでいるのに、こんなにさみしくならなかった。。帰りたいんだ。。。

i miss my father all of a sudden. . if he were still around, i wouldn't be this lonely though i am staying here at the hotel. . i feel like going back home. .

moving in

2009-06-29T06:56:00.000+08:00

先週の土曜日に、ジンスーの学生と一緒に住む為にCastle Hotelに引越した。ここではいいんだけど、家にもっともっと帰りたい。多分、それは、新しい経験だ。ここに慣れるかもしらない。だけど。。

i moved in to the catle hotel last saturday. i really wanna go home though. this may be a new experience for me, and i might as well get used to it, but. .

no more you, no more me

2009-05-24T18:40:00.000+08:00

hey you. you probably hated me for being such an asshole. the grandest kind there was. i thought i could keep you all for myself. you had probably felt that i would do anything to keep us together. even if i had to have a shouting match with my father for having seen kissing you. i told myself and held on to that thought that i would be with you for the longest time possible. you might not have known this. or maybe you might have, but chose not to speak of it.

i loved you. you made me love you. when you spoke of your past with him--or them-- i sensed that you had yearned for security. you had been longing for a soft place to land. yet right there in my bed, where we had made love so many times, i felt that you would rather have to stay up all night crying in their beds than sleep in all comfort in mine. i felt like wanting to compete but would i? no. i couldn't measure up to them. many a night i would stay up, my heart pounding, stomach churning -- physical reactions to the matters of the heart.

even so, i stayed. your fingers encaged me into your arms, and i loved being imprisoned there. it was there where your lips fed my addiction to you. it was there where the needle i needed was injected to me in pain, and in pleasure. it was there where you could have become completely mine -- only if the sun would not rise the next day.

we made love. and you conceived lies. you twisted the truth a little bit so as to sound as if i had been born the previous day. i told you the darkest things i had never told anyone about. things that i would even beg the heavenly editors not to include in my book of life. things that i would not write here.

so to seek the truth, i flipped one page of your diary, and another. and another. on every page was a new name of a guy you had slept [or had been sleeping] with. on every page was a different name, complete with all the profile and details from how you unbotton his shirt and unzip his pants to how you loved the warmth of his hands on your skin. every word formed into tiny pins pressing against my chest. it was then as if all my blood was drained from me, my head felt so light. i couldn't say anything. and my actions thereafter were the exact opposite of what i was dying to say. i did not curse. i did not shout. i kissed your eyes and walked away instead.

yet, there you were. trailing behind. was it because you loved me? because you wanted me? or because it felt so damn good to have someone dance into your own hands? what do people call it? ah, ego trip. why didn't you just let me be? i had made a choice. but then, one night, on a casual phone call you told me that you loved me. i never bought that. never.

then why the hell did i love you? one night, you cried over your spilled milk. i didn't know what had happened between you and him, but it was he that had taken hold of your heart. i saw that in your eyes. it was dim in my room, but with what i saw in your eyes, i knew all i could do was hold you close and tight. secretly, after you had fallen asleep, i wept. i had seen one person in so much pain. and that person was calmly breathing in a deep sleep right next to me. days, weeks, months after that night, i was falling in love with you.

then one missent message to my phone from you -- at 4 in the morning.

then a missent email from you. my name is not jason. and you had never called me that.

lies after another. one secret and then more.

like, you had gotten tired of me. so you set your eyes on this military guy from america who would then later send you green cash for what, uhm, your dream to be a nurse in the states? and wasn't it convenient! so you wanted to be a part of the big american dream after all. or so it seemed.until the moshi-moshi-arigato guy came along. or should i say, lured by you. nihonjin ga suki desu ne. nande? okane tame? maybe. probably. most likely.

dumping the dollars for the yen? not so inconvenient, was it?

by this, i was so disgusted to my core i rebelled. i slept with anyone available and willing.

in their cars. on dark street corners. in public restrooms. in cheap and pungent motel rooms.

only to feel the void and chaos raging inside of me.

i had never felt so miserable and dirty in my whole damn life.

they say it takes two to tangle. but how come i blamed you for all of this?

i blamed you because you had no idea how much you had hurt me. yeah, yeah, yeah. so cliche. you had no idea how many nights i had to stay up late just thinking how you could be so calm about your lies being uncovered or obvious, and me being so disgusted by them. did you like it when i was so disgusted by you? or perhaps you had no single solitary clue that i was spewing out my intestines out everytime you spill your lies on me.

you thought our relationship was one that was "you-love-me-so-i-know-you're-not-gonna-leave-me" type? trust me when i wanted to walk out on you when i did, i so meant it. but then again, you would either stand in my way or trail behind.

the cycle i rode with you was so sickening i had always wanted it to stop.part of me would rather stay in the tracks -- keep on being sick and be with you. but most of me wanted to just jump off. and thank god i did it. and thank god again for the broken parts i acquired from the fall. my heart had the most damage.

then after quite a long while the great good old me came to you one night. it must have been the withdrawal from my addiction to you. and much to my regret [or "humiliation" might be the proper term], you left me untouched and cold and clad despite efforts almost criminal. you know how it made me feel? not even close to a single grain of sand. and each time you dished japan-made items out of that box, you blew me into a blackhole.

had you ever stopped and thought of me even just for a short while? why i did what i did? why i wanted you like i did? why i saw you through when i did? why i let you let me love you like i did? you always resisted me. you dismissed my joys. you took my concerns for granted. you shut me out. and news flash: it hurt.

now i can't apologize to you for the things i have already apologized to you for. i do apologize for being such an asshole when i was. and can be. there is nothing that can be said nor done that could change anything. your words are just that, words [or lies]. my words, nothing.

this whole thing must have appeased you. and with this whole damn thing, i may repel you, in any conceivable way. keep in mind, though, that i don't hate you. i had always emphasized that. and if there was anything at all that seemed to appear the other way around, my apologies. i may have just been disgusted by you and with myself for letting happen what did. all in the name of what i had always believed was love.

and with such immense repulsion i feel towards you, there is no way you could ever come near me again. nor to any of my endeavors.

i guess that ride on a flat boat would never happen after all.

no more beach side nights for us anymore. they were so repugnant anyway. loathesome, as you had put it.

i would miss your drawings, though. now i could be honest about them being not so award-winning but i knew how much effort and ability you had put into them.

no more friendship. no more fights. no more lies nor truths that would bind us or break us both. no more tears. nor laughs. even farts.

no more words from each other. no more you. no more me.

but i owe you big time. i owe you lessons learned only by spending time with you. lessons learned only by sleeping with you. crying with you. laughing with you. talking with you. listening to you. i owe this verdana font to you.

i really loved you.

i don't know what forgiveness is. maybe it doesn't matter. or probably it is not necessary. i believe i am at peace now. i am out of your life. it is a choice. surely it is destiny. and i'd rather it remained that way -- forever.

good bye.

i really wanna work there, but. . .

2009-05-23T10:01:00.000+08:00

夕べは、知らない女の人とコーヒーブレークと言う喫茶店で合った。彼女はいとこの日本語で書いてある通知表を翻訳して欲しかった。たくさん漢字が書いてあったから、翻訳できなかった。でも、彼女が二日間に待てれば、たぶん、あの書面を英語に翻訳できると言った。今まで彼女は連絡しなかった。

バコロドで働いている友達は彼の働いている学校で働きたいかどうかメッセージを送った。本当に働きたいよ。だって。。借金がいっぱいよ。あのバコロドの高校の最初の給料は八千ペソだけだ。だって。。あそこで働きたいんだ。。借金だから、バコロドで働くのことは無理だと思っている。そのことは残念だけど、しかたがない。

haikus [or seemingly so]

2009-05-17T13:57:00.000+08:00

Playful

Yarn balls soft they roll

back and forth a kitten's paws

on a wooden floor.

Untitled

His room enters she

window sills light passes through

'neath covers weeps he.

Wet

Rain falls, washes trees

leaves sway to the whooshing breeze

birds' nest wet on twigs.

Sweet Escape

Take my hand let's flee

across rice fields to the sea

at moonrise with me.

For A Rainy Day

An ant from a mound

tiny bread crumbs on the ground

thunder's distant sound.

maybe one day

2009-05-15T14:24:00.000+08:00

昨日、俺の教室で一人で『When A Man Loves A Woman』と言う曲を聞いていた。メロディは感動させていると思っているのに、、その歌の意味が感じられなかった。なんでかなぁー。。。だって、会いたい人がいるんだけど、お互いに遥かに住んでいるよ。それは大変だけど、大丈夫。多分、いつか、会える。で、あの日は必ず、この世界で一番素晴らしい日になる！！！

there's one person i want to see though we live so far away from each other. maybe someday, we will be able to cross paths. and that day will defy all the natural laws i have ever known.

just like the moon

2009-05-15T13:52:00.000+08:00

just like the moon,

i gaze at you

stunned by fascination

just like the moon,

you set my mind

in orbital motion

just like the moon,

you pull me close

in such strange cosmic force

just like the moon,

now i see you

then i see you not

just like the moon,

i gaze at you

but cannot touch.

a good samaritan

2009-05-13T07:11:00.000+08:00

先週の日曜日に、モールに行きながら、ポケットから、五百ペソが気付けらなく落ちた。だって、男の人は後ろから俺に呼んでいた。『これはあなたのお金ですか』と彼は俺に追い付いてたずねた。俺はポケットに手探りして、五百が本当になくて、びっくりしちゃった。そして、お金をさりげなく取り戻した。彼にかんしゃしていた。くりかえしてかんしゃしていた。彼は、ただほほえんで、歩いて行った。知っていない人にお金を戻している人がまだいるのことはびっくりした。俺はあの人はだったら、そんなにことをするかもしれなかった。本当に。

a 5oo peso bill fell from my pocket as i was on my way to a mall last sunday. to my surprise, a man from behind came up to me and asked me if the money belonged to me. i felt my pocket for the valuable 5oo peso bill but it wasn't there. of course, i took the money back and thanked him over and over and over. he just smiled and walked off. i still can't believe that there are people who would return such amount of money to people they don't know. if i had been him, i might have done the same.

when the stars go blue

2009-05-10T16:32:00.000+08:00

星は青くなったら、どこへ行く? 恋人の胸へ?

so, where do you go when the stars go blue? to your lover's heart?

angel

2009-05-10T16:08:00.000+08:00

優美に歌っているね。。

doesn't she just sings gracefully!!^^

いつも側にいるよ

2009-05-10T15:18:00.000+08:00

恋愛はどこに? 側にないよ。

where is the love? hehehe^^

we won!!!

2009-05-10T11:09:00.000+08:00

一昨日はジンスーの英語の日だった。コンテストの為に、生徒は三のグループに
分けられた。で、俺と、アニー、ローギン、グレグ、ジョエルは三グループにぞく
した。それで、いろいろな英語のことの活動の為に、我々は生徒を訓練しなきゃ
いけなかった。訓練は大変で、難しかった。時々、練習の為に、来た生徒はたり
なかった。例えば、韻文がっしょうたいのばいは生徒は興味がなそうで、いつで
も不平を言っていた。我々は死ぬほど教えていたけど、生徒達は真剣じゃなそう
だった。叫びたかったよ。だって、完ぺきな上演が欲しかった。疲れたんだけど、
もっと練習したかった。ロージンはデクレメイションの代表を訓練した。アニー
とジョエルは、デュエットの代表と。俺はオレイションの代表と。皆は韻文がっ
しょうたいにさんかした生徒とよく訓練した。韻文がっしょうたいの名前は
『The Congo』でした。韻文がっしょうたいは一番だった。そして、やっぱり、勝っ
たんだ！嬉しくなった！！誇ったよ！！賞は、ブルーオシャンと言うレストラン
で夕ご飯だった。俺は行かなかったんだけど。

木蓮の涙

2009-05-10T10:48:00.000+08:00

初めては、アーティストは前の恋人の新しいボーイフレンドみたい。それでびっく
りした。。。ハハハ。。。曲は大好きなんだけど。。。

one of them looks like my ex's new guy. . hahaha. . darn. .

サクラ

2009-05-10T10:23:00.000+08:00

コブクロの声は、タケシさんの声のように同じです。きれいな歌ですね。

they sound like my friend takeshi. doesn't the song sound beautiful!! ^^

白い色は恋人の色

2009-05-10T10:10:00.000+08:00

かわいい。いつかゆっくり彼女たちに会いたいよ。。^^

cute. . wanna see them face-to-face one day. . ^^

3 count

2009-05-10T09:51:00.000+08:00

この曲はゆるませている。

this song makes me feel so laid back. . .

candy

2009-05-09T16:26:00.000+08:00

初めてこの曲を聞いたら、彼女の名前を知っていなかったのに、瞬間に彼女の顔に
恋にしちゃたよ。へへ
名前は『mandy moore』です。

the moment i saw her on MTV, i instantly fell in love with her. . .
the name is mandy. . . hehe ^^

back to good

2009-05-03T12:31:00.000+08:00

その曲は俺を絶対にうんざりさせない。聞いたら、遅くまで起きさせている。

keeps me all night simply by just listening to it. .

hey boy hey girl

2009-05-03T11:47:00.000+08:00

その曲は高校生の時に有名でした。それを聞いたら、郷愁になります。

takes me back to high school. . ^^

winding road

2009-05-02T16:21:00.000+08:00

この曲は強力ですが、意義ぶかいです。

bad drive

2009-05-02T15:51:00.000+08:00

そこのボアのビデオはユーチューブに見つけた。最初に聞いた時に、すぐに大好きだった。ビートと、ダンスステープはすごく楽しかった。俺は彼女ように踊られることを望んでいる。教えてくれないの。^^

i fell for the song the second i saw it on you tube. . i like the beat and the dance steps. .

i wish i had her legs for dancing. . ^^

coming and going

2009-05-02T10:04:00.000+08:00

you have been to so many places that i may not be able to set a foot on. .

you have seen so much of this world and yet maintained a positive perspective. .

you have been to places where knowledge dwells. .

knowledge that you selflessly instill in the minds of the youth that admire and look up at you. .

you give importance to those you know will catch you when you fall. .

you never let down the people who have faith in you. . your mom. . sister. . and your late father. .

they are more than fortunate to have you as a son. . as a brother. .

and i admire you for putting them before any other needs. .

you are intelligent. .

and admirable. .

and trustworthy in this world of pretense, superficiality and disloyalty. .

you recognize the value of things. .

appreciate every good thing that comes your way. .

the pain in your heart might be masked by the happy smiles you wear in your face. .

smiles that capture the heart of those who know you well. . those who care for you. .

but in times of sorrow. . you never fail to reach out to the one someplace up there to hold you up

so that you won't falter to much. .

so that you will find a way to carry on appreciating life's beauty despite the loss and confusion. .

in your heart, you have undying faith that keeps you aglow. .

in my heart, you can never be too far away. .

snow: up close

2009-05-02T09:23:00.001+08:00

Canada at last, huh. . .

you are at the advent of a new phase in your life. .

it will ready you for the new adventures and challenges that difficult as they may seem to you, will definitely offer you fullfilment and rewards of peace in your heart. .

your dreams are within your reach now. . look up at them, and in time they will be yours and not one single soul will tear you apart ever again. . .

weep not for falling and stumbling. . they are a requirement for life-long joy in your own time. .

you may not be here to make us laugh but you are always thought of and talked about and ever wanted to be around. .

i love you with all there is in my heart. .

cute gabo chan. . ^^

2009-05-01T13:25:00.000+08:00

a new life has sprung from you. . he is a promise of new hope and countless joys that life will have to offer you both. .

take joy in his eyes. . in his cries. . in changing his diapers. .

he is the extension of your very own life. .

he is worthy of love. . deserving of happiness. .

when the universe seems to conspire against you, take him into your arms. . and let him drain the pain from your heart and tears from your eyes. .

you have the strength to pull yourself out of every ditch you fall into. .

he needs exactly the same strength from you. .

and how lucky is he to have you as his mother, mentor and guide. .

i am blessed to have you in my heart and in my life.

アーブの赤ちゃんです。ガボちゃんです。可愛いですね。。

小さな天使みたいですね。。

大きくなった時、頭がよくて、ハンサムな人になると思います。俺のように。。 ^^

when he grows up, he's gonna be as handsome as ore. . ^^ hehehe ^^

what do i do with my japanese?

2009-04-28T13:32:00.000+08:00

日本語で話せたいんです。だけど、ここには、日本語を使っている人は、全然いないんです。それで、難しいと思っています。俺の日本語が上手になりたかったら、いつでも練習したほうがいいですね。でもね、練習の人はいません。どうしようね。

i wanna improve on my japanese. . but what do i do? i know i should be practicing but who do i practice with? there aren't many people who might want to learn japanese here. . .

HAIL A New Life!!!

2009-04-11T16:39:00.000+08:00

オーブの友達は元気な男の赤ちゃんを生んだ。名前はジェイムズガブレールだ。名前は可愛くないけどね。でも俺が彼にバルと呼びたい。ヴァレンタインスの日に生まれたから。いつでも起きている特によく泣いている。なんでかな。。大きくなった時に日本語を教えたい。

バルの顔をよく見る時に、全ての問題が消えそうだ。本当に世界に天使みたい。いつか歌えるかな。踊れるかな。書けるかな。色々な外国語が話せるかな。バルの為に、一番ことが欲しい。

im back ^^

2009-03-28T11:04:00.000+08:00

久しぶりねえ。。仕事で忙しかったから、ボログに書かなかったんだ。書くのことにさみしい。
そろそろたくさん事が来るよ。

its been a while. i've been busy at work and i miss writing here. there will be lots of stuff to come real soon.

誕生日おめでとう! ! ! ^^

2009-02-03T14:51:00.000+08:00

きょうは、タケシさんの誕生日です。後で何をするつもりかな。かならず酒を飲むと思います。^^

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!

かんぱい！！！！

killian in motion picture

2009-01-24T16:40:00.000+08:00

新しい仕事を見つけた。

in the jungle

2009-01-21T18:34:00.000+08:00

again

2009-01-17T14:54:00.001+08:00

一月七日にキリアンはバリから戻った。嬉しくなちゃった。もう一度来るの事は無理だと思うよ。またお互いに見てから、大きな声で話した。きょう仕事が終わったら、一緒に田舎に行く。

killian came back from bali on the 7th. was i so glad to see him! i thought seeing him again was beyond possible. we're heading for my father's hometown after work later.

terebol

2009-01-17T14:44:00.000+08:00

さっきにロージンはメルが来週の月曜日からジンスーで仕事を始めると言った。メルは大好きじゃない。彼女はうるさいくて、他人のいい事にいつでも羨ましい。グレグも始める。ゲイだと思うよ。

someone i dont like is gonna start working with me next week.

yoi otoshi wo!

2009-01-01T16:48:00.000+08:00

another video of the beach where we are temporarily staying.

only that it is on new year's day. ^^

and by the way, my japanese still sucks.

2009 dawns

2009-01-01T16:35:00.000+08:00

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

よいお年を！

elusive thoughts

2008-12-29T14:53:00.000+08:00

きょうは、ジンスーに特別な授業に来た。二人の生徒だけと教えた。給料日は、来年の一月五日だ。今、お金がないよ。大晦日の為にお金が必要だね。給料日は、思うほど早くなかった。どうしょうね。いとこ達の為にたくさんクッキーを買いたいよ。それは、お金がないから、ちょっと出来ない。泣きたいんだ。

とにかく、このボログに書き前に、他人のボログを読んだ。彼らのボログはおもしろくて、楽しい。で、彼らは、頭がよくて、面白い生活を持っていると思って。僕も、英語でも日本語でも生活について書きたいんんだけど、言葉は能から逃げる。

a job found

2008-12-28T18:17:00.001+08:00

先週の日曜日の夜に、ジンスーと言う英語の学校の韓国人の女の人に、僕は電話された。僕に電話した女性は電話で英語を話して、フィリピン人なように聞こえた。彼女は、ジンスーのオフィスに来て、インタビューしたって。もちろんその時には、仕事を捜していたから、早く来た。僕は、本当に嬉しかった。ジンスーのオフィスに行く前にオブリーにその事について教えた。彼女は、おめでとうって。僕はとてもワクワクした。子どもなようになちゃった。で、ジンスーのゲートに着いたら、ガードマンはぼくを入らせなかった。そして、電話した女性のメッセジを送らなきゃいけなかった。それでは、ちょっと怒っていた。遂にインタビューする人に会ったら、僕はびっくりした。さっきに電話でフィリピン人なように聞こえたから、本当にフィリピン人だったと思ったよ。彼女は、あの週間の月曜日に三人の生徒で始められたって。彼女は、英語んもイロンゴもぺらぺらに話せた。そして頭がいいね。

ジンスーはThe Castle Hotelと言うホテルにあるから、どこでもきれいだ。スパルタ遥かにより。ジンスーとスパルタとハンビトの間にジンスーのキュビクルは一番大きくて、きれいだ。だけどね、スパルタの給料は一番高かった。ジンスーの給料はスパルタの給料ほど高くないんだけど、ジンスーはもっと安定している。それに、スパルタはもう閉めちゃった。とにかく、ジンスーで最善を尽くす！！

I found a job at Jin Soo English School, which is in The Castle Hotel. This is what all these scribbles is about. ^^

well, i got a call last sunday night from a woman who works for jinsoo, an english school here. she [a korean, i supposed] sounded filipino when she spoke english on the phone. she asked me to come to her office for an interview. of course, i had been looking for a job then, so i came as quickly as i could. before going there, though, i told aubrey about it. i was so excited. but when i got at jisnoo's gate, the guard wouldn't let me in. so i had to send a text message to the woman who had called me earlier. i was a bit ticked off, but i kept my cool. when i finally met the woman who would interview me, i was surpised to see that she was indeed korean.

jinsoo is in a hotel, so it is far cleaner than sparta. although the pay in jinsoo is not as good as that in sparta, jinsoo is more stable. besides, sparta has been rotting in hell since it closed down three weeks ago.

anyways, i'm gonna do my best here at jinsoo.

where are my friends?

2008-12-26T13:18:00.000+08:00

僕の友達は、どこにいるかなー。。オーブリーは、妊娠しているから、体にもっともっと痛みがある。そして、いつでも不平を言っていた。それはちょっと困っているよ。マイクは、バコロドと言う他の島で住んでいるから、会う事が出来ない。マイマイは、どこにいるかなー。前の恋人ともう一度会っていると思う。彼らは、僕のボログに気にしていなさそうだと思うよ。彼らは、僕のボログの部分なのが分かんない。彼らは、このボログの興味がない。彼らは、僕のボログに気にしていなさそうだと思うよ。彼らは、僕のボログの部分なのが分かんない。彼らは、このボログの興味がない。それでは、時々僕は彼らにがっかりしている。僕は、彼らの努力に気にしているから。

on the beach [video]

2008-12-26T12:52:00.000+08:00

きょう早く起きた。朝ご飯を食べた後に、海岸に短いビデオを撮る為に行った。風が強く吹いたから、オーディオはちょっと不明だね。。で、僕の日本語はまだ下手だね。。

i got up early today. after breakfast, i went down to the beach to make a short video. the wind was blowing so strongly so the audio isn't as good as i hoped it would. and my japanese still sucks.

CPU lights [video]

2008-12-25T14:08:00.000+08:00

家族は、田舎にいるから、いとこ達と一緒にクリスマスを過ごした。いとこ達の家に行く前に、C.P.U.と言う大学に行った。その大学は、いとこ達の家の途中にあるから、ビデオを撮る為に行った。携帯電話のカメラを使った。でもビデオの品質が明確じゃない。で、僕の日本語は下手だね。。 ^^

since i am not with my folks, i spent christmas with my cousins. before coming to their house, though, i took a video of some christmas lights in CPU since the university is just on the way. my phone camera isn't so good, so the video quality sucks, as does my japanese.

same songs, new words, no job

2008-12-20T16:53:00.000+08:00

きょうは、どうすればいいかなぁー。朝ご飯はパンしか食べなかった。携帯電話で同じな曲を聞きながら、新しい日本語の言葉を習った。合図、けっぷ、扱う、奢る、溶ける、溶かす。その新しい言葉を覚えるかどうか心配している。^^ 今色々な問題で、僕の能がもっとインフォメションを受け取るかどうか分かんない。今、仕事は必要だ！！！なんでこの事態は僕に起こっているの。僕は、それに値していないよ！！！！

what should i do today? i had bread for breakfast. same songs on my phone. new japanese words from my dictionary. sign/gesture, burp, treat/deal with, treat [to a meal], melt, thaw. with all the problems i have now, i don't know how much my brain could take. i need a job!!! i don't deserve this.

on my own

2008-12-19T15:15:00.000+08:00

今、僕は、下宿しかで携帯電話で音楽を聞くし、ベッドに横たわるし、洗濯をするし、次のどうすればいい事について考えている。家族を気の毒に思うよ。母の特に。でも、どうしてか、今の独立の事が好きだ。きのう、母からお金を借りた。その後で、バケツを買った。バケツしかで嬉しくならなかった。独立も自由もいいんだけど、お金なしで、全ては難しいと思う。でも、その事は大変なのに、それは僕が強くならせている。今でも仕事を捜している。がんばっている。

i have been staying in my boarding house listening to music, lying in bed, doing the laundry, and thinking what to do next. yesterday, i borrowed some cash from my mother and bought a bucket. i had my own bucket! and how it made me happy! freedom and independence are good, but not so much when you ain't got no money. everything may be fucking up right now, but it will turn out fine real soon. i'll just have to be strong--for myself.

still looking for a job. damn. ^^

english test

2008-12-18T16:03:00.000+08:00

きのう、ロージンと言う友達と一緒にThe Castle Hotelと言うホテルで、英語の試験を取った。そのテスチは申し込み者の為で、難しくて、びっくりした。エッセーがあった。それは、難しくても、楽しかった。で、そのテストに合格したと思うよ。給料はよかったら、今僕はお金がないから、あのホテルの英語の学校で成るべく早く働きたい。あの学校の名前は何かなー。。

lorgin and i took an english test at the castle hotel yesterday. the test was sooo not easy. difficult as it was, though, it was kind of challenging. if the pay is good, i want to start work in that english school as soon as possible. what's the name of the school again?

shit times two

2008-12-18T15:10:00.000+08:00

この数週間に、全ては渦巻なようになった。僕の会社は、突然に、閉めて、仕事を無くした。会社のオーナーは、生徒のお金で、逃げた。皆は本当に驚いた。もちろん、家庭教師も韓国人の生徒も怒っていた。いまでも、怒っている。なんでオーナーが逃げたのことが皆は分かない。今、生徒は、お金がないから、どこで住まなきゃいけないのことが分かない。酷いね。で、家庭教師の給料は上げられなかった。そして、ほとんどの家庭教師は労働の部門に不平を言った。で、フィリピン人のマネージャーを告訴しなきゃいけないよ。実は、もう告訴した。我々の訴訟が勝てれば、皆が幸くなる。

these past few days, everything seemed to be in a swirl. the company i worked for closed down in a blink of an eye. the owner ran away with the students' money. everyone was too shocked to think as to why he just disappeared. of course, tutors and students alike were furious. even until now, they are still pissed off. nobody knows why the fuck he took off. now, the students are broke and don't know where to stay. and the tutors, they weren't given their salaries. ergo, the lawsuit against the filipino manager. can't wait to see her ass rot in prison!!

先週に、父の兄弟の田舎に引っ越さなきゃいなかった。近所の人が毎晩騒いんでいる。彼らは、フィリピンで有名な男子社交クラブの会員だ。彼らは、五月蝿くて、憎かった。そして、警察が来て、黙らせた。それでは、僕の家族に怒っていて、脅した。一同に、彼らの家に石を投げた。それでも、僕の家族にもっと怒っていると思う。私生児だね。死んで欲しい。僕は、私生児が恐くないんだけど、お互いにけんかしたら、弟を傷付けるかも知れない。それは、絶対に起こって欲しくないよ。今、父と弟は一時的に田舎で住んでいる。母は、毎日田舎から仕事まで、通っている。僕は、新しい仕事を見付けるまで、友達の近所の下宿で一時的に住んでいる。全ては不便で大変なのに、僕はお金がないのに、全ては大丈夫よ。

last week, we moved to my father's siblings' hometown. our neighbors who are members of a well organized fraternity in the country had been fucking noisy. the police were called to shut them up. but they are pointing fingers to my family as to why the police had come for them. they threatened us. one time, the house where they celebrate the new year every night was thrown stones at for their nightly noise. this must have been the reason why they threatened us. i don't want my family to be in trouble, so i guess it is best for us to stay away for a while. i feel sorry for my family, especially for my mom. she has to commute to and fro work everyday. and i have to rent a room while i am still in between jobs. everything will be fine, though.

me speaking japanese [video]

2008-12-10T11:29:00.000+08:00

ちんぷんかんぷん

minna san konnichiwa. anjiero to moushimasu. jibun de, nihongo wo benkyou shiteimasu. demo watashi no basho ni nihongo wo tsukattteiru hito wa amari inain desu kara, anoo.. nihongo de hanasu no wa chotto muzukashikute taihen da to omoimasu yo. dakara nihongo wo naraitai hito wo yoku sagashiteimasu. demo ne, sono koto mo chotto muzukashii to omotteimasu kara, anoo.. tetsudatte kurete ne.. arigatou ne.. jaa, anoo.. intanetto de nihongo ga jouzu ni naru tame ni, anoo.. takeshi san to iu tomodachi wa watashi ni nihongo wo yoku oshiete kuremasu. iroiro na koto wo oshiete kuremasu. soshite watashi wa takeshi san ni eigo wo oshiete agemasu. anoo.. skype to iu messenja de, eigo mo nihongo mo tsukatte, bunpou to tango wo issho ni benkyou shiteimasu. otagai ni benkyou shiteimasu. soshite, watashi wa nihongo ni mo nareteimasu yo. takeshi san mo eigo ni naretieru to omoimasu yo. anoo.. sono koto wa totemo omoshirokute tanoshii desu yo. toku ni, takeshi san ga eigo de hanasu no wa totemo tanoshii. totemo tanoshii desu yo. soshite, takeshi san no tame ni, motto motto eigo no topiku wo junbi shitai desu. tonikaku, takeshi no jibun de tsukatta kyoku wo kikitai desu. de, sono kyoku ni tsuite uso tsuitari desu.

hi there everyone. angelo here. i am studying japanese by myself. but because there aren't many people who speak japanese where i live, it's not easy to speak japanese at all. that's why im looking for people who also want to learn japanese. but i don't think this is easy, so would you help me? thanks! hmm.. through the internet, i have a friend, takeshi, who helps me improve my japanese. he teaches me lots of stuff about the language. so i teach him english. we use both english and japanese when we study either grammar or vocabulary on skype. we help each other out. hence, i have sort of gotten used to listening to japanese. and i think that takeshi has too, to english. this is really interesting, especially when takeshi speaks english. so, i would like to give more english topics to him. anyways, i would like to hear the songs he has made. and lie to him about them. hehe^^

the ex, coworkers, and a casket

2008-12-08T19:12:00.000+08:00

it's 4:29 in the morning and i haven't gotten back to sleep since i was awaken by a dream.

it is about my ex, chatting with a nude foreign guy with a funny english accent. they seem to be having a great time showing their genitals to each other. gross. i'm not jealous or anything. it's just in the dream, i am able to access into their messengers, and therefore able to read their messages and profiles. i don't cringe, though. what bothers me most though, is the sight of a casket--in what appears to be a restaurant(?) where three former colleagues of mine are sitting and seem to be having the time of their lives.

strange.

a night in the ER

2008-12-07T12:56:00.000+08:00

i took myself to iloilo doctors' hospital last thursday night. in late afternoon of that day, i had such a sudden onset of fever that i had to cancel my last class. i came home early with my body burning, my head spinning, and my back killing me. was i dying?

at the hospital, amateur nurses ran standard primary tests on me. temperature, weight, blood pressure. i think they had forgotten to rip my ass open for worms! haha. .

two nurses asked me a relatively similar question at once. one asked if i was single and the other asked if i was married. i said yes. nurse single checked "single" under "status" on the information sheet while nurse married of course, checked "married". i didn't understand why they had to fill out two exact personal information forms with exactly the same data. well, it was slightly not exact in my case, was it?

later, i was asked to have my blood and urine tested. then to have my lungs x-rayed, i was taken to radiology--in a wheelchair! i think it was cool to be pushed around like that, literally. i wish that the x-ray room had been much farther from the ER, where i was picked up and brought back.

going back a bit earlier, it was kind of funny to carry pee in a tiny plastic bottle to the laboratory. it felt like parading a warm yellow liquid around. results came in more or less an hour later. pee was fine. lungs were a bit infected since i had been coughing but no reason to freak out. blood was fine, too, but they found some blah-blah which was higher than normal because of the cough. but then again, far from meeting my maker.

先週の木曜日の夜に自分で、Iloilo Doctors' Hospitalと言う病院に行った。あの日の終り頃に突然に熱があった。そして、最後の授業キャンセルをしちゃった。その後で、帰えちゃった。帰ると中で、熱が高くて、頭が痛くて、背中もとての痛かった。死んでいたかなー。。病院で、アマチュアナースは、熱と血圧と重さを計った。僕の肛門のミミズをチェックするのを忘れたと思うよ。ハハ。。^^一つのナースは、独身者かどうか尋ねた。他のナースは、結婚したかどうか尋ねた。同時に尋ねたから、ただ『はい』と言った。そして、独身者かどうか尋ねたナースは、チャートに独身者の身分をマークした。もちろん、結婚したかどうか尋ねたナースも、チャートに結婚の身分をマークした。どうして同じインフォメションで二つチャートに書き込んだのが分かなかった。その後で、僕の血と、小便はチェックされた。で、レントゲンの室にレントゲンを撮る為に車椅子で連れて行かれた。車椅子に座るのは、とても楽しかったよ。それは、初めてから。レントゲンの室は、非常事態室からもっと遠かったら、もっと楽しくなったのに。その前に、実験室と中で小瓶に入れた小便を持って行くのは、ちょっと可笑しかったと思った。一時間ぐらい後に、結果は来た。小便は大丈夫だった。血と肺も大丈夫だったけど、少しい感染があった。全部で、全てはよかった。まだ死ななかった。

ano nami isulat man?

2008-12-03T20:52:00.000+08:00

daw wala gid unod utok ko subong ah. gusto ko man tani mag-sulat parte sa natabo or ga-kalatabo sa work, balay kag sa nabatyagan ko para kay *ehem* galing daw wala gid may tinaga gaagi sa paminsaron ko ah.wala ko kabalo kun paano sila tanan ikonek. hhmm. . . sige lang ah.

今、脳が空きそうだと思うよ。色々な事について書いたいんだけど、今、何も事を考えてないよ。例えば、仕事の事と家族の事と大好きな人の事について。それをせつぞくするのが分かないけど。大丈夫けど。どうするの。

christmas and youth

2008-12-01T17:41:00.000+08:00

the winds have started to blow cold. why, it's the first of december, which advents the countdown to christmas. this time of the year always takes me back to a time when i felt so young and didn't have to worry about the harsh realities of the world. it was a time when playmates compared christmas presents to each other. it was a time when christmas parties were a feast the world had ever seen. particularly for me, it was a time when i enjoyed the breeze so cool it made me wish for christmas all year round. yet, youth was fleeting, gone as fast as the christmas season itself. no more family gatherings where cousins counted all the christmas lights there were. no more school parties where classmates excitedly awaited to open their kris kringle presents. now, to me christmas is no different from a tuesday night i have come home from a casual night out with a friend. it is no different from a humid thursday afternoon i have had a brief moment of bliss with a stranger. nevertheless, never a year passes by without me being at a christmas party. though i celebrate christmas with either friends from work or friends of a friend, deep down i can't really seem to connect myself to the occasion, despite the noise and smiling faces. not like when i was a kid. it was then that lights coruscated much more brightly than they do now. it was then that christmas songs weren't as commercialized as they are now. there was so much meaning back then. now that i have grown so much, has christmas become an obligation? or simply an option? this year, i'd rather have a movie marathon at home. and surely enough, there won't be parties for me. i'll be making five phone calls to five close friends instead.

風は、寒く吹き始また。二十月一日が来て、クリスマスの秒読みが始また。この年の時間は、若かった時と世界の荒い現実を心配してはいけなかった時を思い出させている。この時は、遊び仲間がお互いにプレゼント比較していた。その時は、クリスマスパーチィーが世界で、一番素晴らしかった。僕の特に、その時は涼しい風が大好きだったから、一年中にクリスマスを祝いたくてしまった。それでも、若さは、速く過ぎた。クリスマスのように。親戚の集まりはなくなってしまった。その集まりでいとことクリスマスライトを数えた。学校のクリスマスパーチィーもなくなってしまった。そのパーチィーで、学友はプレゼントを開くのを待たなかった。今、クリスマスは、友達と遊んで、帰る火曜日の夜と同じだと思う。クリスマスも、知らない人と一緒に寝る暑い木曜日と同じだと思う。それでも、僕は、毎年クリスマスパーチィーで遊んでいる。仕事の友達とか友達の他の友達と騒音と笑顔でクリスマスのムードに感じない。僕は、若かった時に、クリスマスはとても異なった。その時は、クリスマスライトは今のクリスマスライトより明るく輝いた。その時、クリスマスの歌は今のクリスマスの歌より商業じゃなかた。その時は、もっと素晴らしかった。今、僕大人になって、クリスマスも義務になったの。それとも、オプションになったの。今年は、家で映画のマラソンをやるの方がいい。必ず、僕はパーチィーに行かない。パーチィーの代わりに、五人の大切な友達と電話するつもりだ。

will you still love me tomorrow?

2008-11-30T12:42:00.000+08:00

tonight you're mine completely
. . . but will you love me tomorrow. . .?

lines from carol king's "will you still love me tomorrow?".

once there was a guy who met a girl in the most unlikely place in the world. one that he despised so much, but was compelled by the thrill it offered. it offered him her, who took him to a room she might have called her sanctuary. there, in her bed, they lay with words unspoken. perhaps they were unnecessary. who needed words when their flesh spoke the language their bodies understood so well? so with eyes closed, their lips met. their hands busy feeling every inch of skin bare and burning with sheer desire. outside, the world under the moon dissolved into a rhythm that only their breath was making. that night, they pursued bliss. and when they had found it, after they had both tasted the pleasures of their little eden, they both lay side by side, skin to skin. they breathed in and out the magic of the night. it was good. she seemed perfect. then right there and then, as the magic was waning, he turned to her and said, "what happens tomorrow?" she offered no answer, not even a hint. he had never expected her to do so anyway. he was there in her bed, in her arms, and he knew nothing about her. he thought of her smiling at him in that awful place where they had met earlier. she had told him her real name. he had given her a name he had always liked, but not his. he wanted to ask her the same question again, but said something else instead. sleep was now starting to claim his consciousness. he thought words could not be the answer to his question. then, he felt an impulse to rush the wee hours of the morning to recede into the rays of the morning sun. because it was then and only then that he could have an answer to his question. he closed his eyes. he was tired. he succumbed to sleep.

ある男性は、一度最悪な場所で少女を会った。彼は、この場所が嫌いだったけど、場所のスリルに強制された。彼女は、彼女の避難所と言った部屋に彼を持って行った。あそこで、彼女のベッドで、言葉なしで、横たわった。多分言葉が必要じゃなかった。彼らの体がお互いによく理解した時には、誰が言葉が必要だったの。つぶった目で、キスを始めた。手は裸で燃えた肌を揉んでいた。外で月の下の世界は彼らの息が作ったリズムに消えちゃった。その夜には、彼らが至福を追跡した。至福を見つけてから、肌と肌に並んで横たわた。あの夜の魔法を感じていた。それはよかった。彼女は完璧そうだった。魔法は消えた時に、彼は、『明日は、どうするの』と聞いた。彼女は答えなかったけど。彼は答えを期待しなかったついで。彼は、彼女のベッドにいったのに、彼女の事を全然知なかった。さっきに、酷い場所で彼女を会ったのを考えていた。あそこで、彼女は実際の名前を言った。でも、彼は、大好きな名前を言った。その名前は、彼のじゃなかったけど。彼はまた同じな質問を聞きたかったけど、他の事を話した。あの時には、彼は、眠っちゃった。彼の質問の為に、言葉は解説じゃなかったと思った。彼は、すぐ夜明けが来て欲しかった。なぜなら、太陽が来た時だけに、解説を見つけた。疲れたから、目をつぶって、眠っちゃった。

coming near

2008-11-30T12:14:00.000+08:00

coming near

i walk down the sacred aisle

nearer to you i come

by the altar shall we meet

where clad in white

you patiently wait

and peacefully lie

asleep.

the dance

2008-11-26T18:50:00.000+08:00

大波は山のような高かった。我々が乗った小船は、たった一つの層で子どもの紙の小船より厚かった。それは、僕のような航海が恐い人の為に理想じゃないと思う。僕は、アウアウと韓国から来た友達のフォードと一緒に遊んだ。このビデオは、ボラカイの本土から遠く掛かったCrystal Cove Islandと言う島で取られた。島の全部は洞窟の屋根だと思う。その洞窟の下に、川が流れている。でも、島のまわりに散歩しなかったから、確かじゃないんだ。ほとんどの来るツーリストは、その島で昼ご飯を食べる。我々は、焼ポークを食べた。でも、僕は、ポークしか食べなかったけど、心配にもたらしたアシッドもお腹にあちゃった。そして、そのアシッドは、あの日の食べた全てとおとといの事さえ含めて消化しちゃった。ボラカイの本土に戻ったらポサイドンが見捨てた海水で航海するのを考えていたから。でもね、それでも、その島で遊ぶ為にもう一同ゆっくり来たい。このビデオの最後に、アウアウは踊りそうなんだ。見事だね。^^

the waves were mountain high, and the boat we were on was just a ply thicker than a kid's paper boat. not so ideal for a hydrobic like me. with me were au au and ford, a long time friend from korea. this video is on crsytal cove island, forever away from main land boracay. i think the entire island is roof to a cave, where an underground river runs under. i'm not so sure though, because i didnt go around the island. most tourists who venture out here have thier lunch on the island. we had grilled pork. as for me, not only did i have pork for lunch, but also anxiety-induced acid that quickly digested everything i had had on that day, including that of the previous day. all because of thinking of sailing through the poseidon-forsaken waters on our way back to mainland boracay. despite all this though, being on this island is one that i might want to see happen again. especially the dance au au made at the end of the video. it is simply stunning. haha..

another day in paradise

2008-11-26T17:43:00.000+08:00

パラダイス

broke on birthdays

2008-11-25T20:21:00.000+08:00

僕とオブリーは、SMCityのKenny Roger'sで夕飯を食べた。マイマイもあそこにったら、よかったのにと思っていえる。でも、働いている銀行で働き続けていた。とにかく、僕とオブは、写真を取ったけど、何もよくなかった。なんで誕生日の時に、破産者になるかなー。一年中に誕生日を祝っているからね??? レストランのウエートレスが我々にコメントを聞いた。僕のコメントは、日本語で書た。
オブのコメントは、韓国語で書いた。我々は、頭がいいんじゃないの。^^Grand Hotelのビュッフェで食べたら、もっと楽しかったのに。このレストランの萌しが大好きだ。

aub and i had dinner at Kenny Roger's in SMCity. i wish mai mai had been there, but she was stuck in the bank where she works. anyhows, we took some pics but nothing good came off. why are we always broke on our birthdays? is it because we celebrate our birthdays all year long? hehehe. . . a waitress asked for our comments on their restaurant. i wrote my comments in japanese, aub wrote hers in korean. . aren't we smart or what? we should have had dinner at the japanese buffet at the grand dame hotel. . i love their moyashi there. .

aub's big day

2008-11-25T17:16:00.000+08:00

今日はオブリーの誕生日だ。僕の問題で、それを忘れた。僕は、酷いね。。どう友達の誕生日を忘れたの。。今日は、オブリーの誕生日だから、マイマイとオブリーと高くておいしい食べ物を食べたい。どこで食べればいいレストランかなー。。今日オブリーは、27歳になる。年上になる。彼女は僕より年上だ。。^^

it's aubrey's birthday today. with all the shit in my head, i have forgotten that it is her big day today. that is just awful of me. well since it's her big day today, i want to feast on expensive food with her and mai mai today. but where is the best place to do it? anyways... she turns 27 today. . a year older than me. . hehe^^

urgh!!

2008-11-20T20:53:00.001+08:00

僕は、言いたい事がそんなにたくさんある時に、一つの言葉を書くことが出来ない。僕は、仕事の人々について書きたいけど。ある人々は、すぐく我がままで他人をしもに引っぱっている。ある人々は、もとに皆を支配出来ると
思っている上司と仲がいいと思っているから、他人を気にしていない。
ある人々さえも、仕事を続ける為に、パンティーを脱いんでいる。
誰かなあぁ。。はは。。
この一種の人々は、彼らの生活にうんざりしていると思っている。
そして、彼らは、自分を助ける為に、この措置をしている。
もうすぐ彼らの為に、何が来るのが分からない。

just when i have so much to say, i just can't put a word into writing. i want to write about how i think about people at work. some of them are so selfish that they want to pull others down with them. some of them simply don't give a damn about others because they think they are in good terms with the gods that think could control everyone else under them. there are some that even pull their pants down just to keep the job. like, whats-their-names-again? haha. . i think they are all so pathetic and so sick of their own lives that they have to take these measures to save their god damned asses. i just don't know what the hell they have coming for them.

faces that spell friendship

2008-11-19T09:06:00.000+08:00

a feast in good times..
a solid ground in bad..
a tickle in laughter..
a hanky for tears..
an umbrella in the rain..
fireworks in the night sky..
a vessel in rough waters..

a whole day parade in life..

良い時代にはごちそう。。
悪い時には、強固な地盤。。
笑い時にくすぐり。。
波立の為にハンカチだ。。
雨に傘だ。。
夜空の花火だ。。
ラフ海域では船。。

生活の中には丸一日のパレード。。

guimaras

2008-11-17T18:38:00.000+08:00

ギマラスで。。

砂浜で。。

青空の下で。。

きれいな海で。。
涼しい風で。。

boracay

2008-11-16T13:12:00.001+08:00

ボラカイに逃げ
escape to boracay

a meal with friends

2008-11-15T18:54:00.000+08:00

友達と仕事から離れる為に遠くて静かなビーチリゾートでしっそな食事は高いレストラントのビュッフェより遥かに楽しいよ。

けっきょく、お腹が重要である。

a simple meal with friends at a quiet beach resort away from the city is far more fun than any other food displayed at buffets in fancy restaurants. after all, it is the stomach that really matters anyway.

カラチュチー

2008-11-15T14:04:00.000+08:00

静かに僕が眠る時に

木から白い花びらは

僕の為に摘んで

きれいな白い花びらで

波立なしで

僕をすっかり被って

顔から足まで

一つずつ

花びらが落ちたせて

僕は見えないまで

花びらの下で

僕も白い花びらになるまで

。。。

when silently i have slumbered

from a tree

pick white petals

for me

with beautiful white petals

but without a tear

cover me

completely

from my face to my feet

one by one

let the petals fall

until i am seen no more

until under the white petals

a white petal

myself i will become

conquering fears

2008-11-12T21:39:00.000+08:00

皆が皆の恐怖を負かせるってのが正確だと思っている。僕の水の恐怖のように。特に、
助ける友達がいるから、ボラカイの塩辛い海水で肺が満たされない。

i think people are right to say that anybody can conquer their fears. just like mine of water. especially when you have a friend to save your ass from filling your lungs with salty Boracay seawater.

at the mall

2008-11-10T19:40:00.000+08:00

オブリー、アウアウ、マイク。この写真はバコロドのSMCityと言うモールで取られた。でも、お金がなかった

から、全然何も買わなかった。でも、友達と一緒に遊んでいたから、楽しかったよ。イロイロのSMCityとバコロドのSMCityとでは、イロイロのSMCityの方がいいと思っていますよ。バコロドのSMCityは、小さくて、ちょっと暗かった。そして、あのモールに行ったら、あまり楽しくなかった。

マイクがこのメッセジを読んだら、かならず怒っていると思うんだ。

多分、また会う日には、彼が僕を殺す。

this pic was taken at sm city bacolod which is smaller and a bit dimmer than sm city iloilo. im with friends aubrey, auau and mike. since i didnt have much cash on me, i didnt buy anything at all. but since i was with friends, i had fun. if and when mike reads this comment on sm city bacolod, he will definitely steam and probably kill me when he sees me.

empty head

2008-10-29T08:31:00.000+08:00

きょうは、耳が痛いんだ。
夕べ、マイクとマイマイにメッセジを送っていた。
僕は書きたい事がたくさんあるんだけど、今、僕の頭が空だ。
１２月にバリでキリアンと遊ぶ為に行きたいんだけど、お金は足りない。いうかゆっくり行きたい。
後で、仕事の後で、インターネットで、タケシさんとチャットする。英語の文法を教えてあげたい。彼の英語が上手になって欲しいんだから。
彼も、僕の友達と思っている。

My ears are killing me now.
last night i sent text messages to mike and mai mai.
there are lots of stuff i wanna write but now, my head just seems empty.
i wanna go to bali to meet killian in december but i dont have enough money to make it.
later after work, im gonna chat with takeshi coz i wanna teach him english grammar. i think he's become a friend of mine so i want his english to improve as well. .

early at work. .

2008-10-11T09:19:00.000+08:00

今会社にいます。会社は英語の学校です。ここには、韓国人が多くいます。ここに英語を学ぶ為に来ました。生徒の中に一人の人が大好きですよ。誰にも言わなかったんですけど。自分だけの秘密ですから。でも、このボログで 書きました。
ハハ。。
そろそろ私のTOEICのクラスが始まります。この文章は日本語の練習だけです。
これを読んでくれて有難うございます。 ^^

I'm at work now. There are plenty of Koreans in this English school where I work. They have come here to learn English. I like one of them, but I havent really told anyone about it. It's a secret I want to keep to myself. But it's all right here. haha. .
My TOEIC class starts in a little while. These sentences here are just my way of practicing my Japanese hehe. . Thanks for reading. ^^

what to do with my japanese. . ^^

2008-10-09T22:48:00.000+08:00

この間に、Youtubeで日本語をぺらぺらに話せている人を見てから、僕は、日本語をもっと勉強することにした。でもね、ここに日本語を使っている人は、あまりいないんだから、日本語で話すのはちょっと難しくて大変だと思いますよ。。どうしょうね。。

I ran into these people on youtube who speak japanese fluently just a while back, and since then i have decided to do something with my japanese. However, i have no idea how since there arent many japanese speaking people from where i am. what do i do? ㅠㅠ

愛と死

2008-10-09T22:08:00.000+08:00

こんにちは皆さん。。アンジェロと申します。このボログは、新しいですから、どう使うのをまだ知らないんです。でもね、段々に出来ると思います。やってみるんです。^^

Hi there everyone! It's Angelo. I am quite new to this blog, so I don't know how to use it yet. I will be able to do so, though. I will try. ^^

片思い。 。

the man next to me

one headlight

the heat hurts

time has told me. .

i am broke

boa valenti

facebooking^^

i do love the philippines, man

you love me, eh?

hhmm. .

boracay's a week away!!

like a snake

early morning thoughts

is this a sore eye?!

late late night blues

cebu will have to wait another year. .

2NE1

TAY~~

ford's first kid

another tale told

have a little faith in me

a video soon. .

36 stupid friendster questions

何も言わない

aga pa. .

hmm. .

moving in

no more you, no more me

i really wanna work there, but. . .

haikus [or seemingly so]

maybe one day

just like the moon

a good samaritan

when the stars go blue

angel

いつも側にいるよ

we won!!!

木蓮の涙

サクラ

白い色は恋人の色

3 count

candy

back to good

hey boy hey girl

winding road

bad drive

coming and going

snow: up close

cute gabo chan. . ^^

what do i do with my japanese?

HAIL A New Life!!!

im back ^^

誕生日おめでとう! ! ! ^^

killian in motion picture

in the jungle

again

terebol

yoi otoshi wo!

2009 dawns

elusive thoughts

a job found

where are my friends?

on the beach [video]

CPU lights [video]

same songs, new words, no job

on my own

english test

shit times two

me speaking japanese [video]

the ex, coworkers, and a casket

a night in the ER

ano nami isulat man?

christmas and youth

will you still love me tomorrow?

coming near

the dance

another day in paradise

broke on birthdays

aub's big day

片思い。。

カラチュチー

愛と死